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Justifying Your Relationships?

I have been a student of the world my entire life, looking at everything in wonder and amazement. I want to know why things work or don’t work. But Relationships would have to be my biggest Wonder of all. How do you take two people from two very different backgrounds, stick them together and make it work? Do you pray to “baby Jesus” and ask for divine intervention?

Rather than go there to today, I want to explore language. Yes, the language that connects you to your world and the person you’re with. I say this because, I feel many people are choosing relationships that are not a true choice but a series of justifications in which they try and build evidence to convince themselves that what they have is good. From my observations, many people choose relationships from fear of some kind than truly having what they want.

For my thinking a relationship should just be. Let me give you an example when you describe your partner. A stranger asks how your new love is? The key here is to listen to how you reply and the pauses if any? It’s that moment that you look for the “Aha”. If you mention a behavior trait and then find yourself trying to justify it, then it’s time to dig deeper.

You may even find yourself doing a check list or the positives and negatives.

Good Stuff Bad Suff / Habits
  • He Listens to me
  • He’s fun to talk to
  • He’s Loving
  • He’s ok Looking
  • He’s Intelligent
  • We mostly eat the same food
  • He’s Spiritual
  • He Cooks for Me
  • He Lives at home with Mum and Dad
  • He’s In a Lot of Debt
  • I have to Pay All the Time
  • He’s not Ambitious
  • He Play’s Computer Games
  • He watches Football
  • He’s not dealt with or doesn’t intend to deal with his emotional issues
  • He has no plan for the future or how to provide for a family.
  • He’s Got Weight Issues
  • He’s Not Good in Bed J
  • He’s lazy and messy
  • He Doesn’t Help with House Work
  • He’s not Motivated
  • He works weird hours and that affects how we spend time together
  • He’s always away for work















Doing a check list is a great thing to do, as it will help you quickly see where the values alignments are or aren’t. Love is not always “Everything”. You may find that your “Imagined” list doesn’t stack up to your physical list or what is reality. We may tend to highlight the shiny glossy parts of our relationships and not the nuts and bolts crap that really bothers us. If you look at your list are you getting an even percentage balance?

So what does this have to do with your relationship?

Here’s the punch line, none of it matters!

This why I asked you to listen to your language! Imagine being in a relationship where you can just be. Someone asks you “How’s Jeff” and you reply “Perfect”, and you don’t need to use the list, pause or over think it. There’s no need to think because it’s a Choice and it just is.

When it’s a decision you make a justification list to prove to yourself this is the thing to be in. You then tell enough people to further reinforce your choice and create an imaginary story of truths. Yet deep down there is a part of you that knows it’s not right for you. Rather that create what you want, a fear that permeates deep within you, allows you ignore your truth to go against you, deceiving your all-knowing highest self, your inner wisdom that’s screaming for you to hold true to your purpose and values.

When we truly connect to who we are, in our own self, in our own truth the power of choices lights the way rather than a justified list of gathered evidence. Your highest self will always guide you to your greatest lover, we just have to get the head out of the way to allow it.

My hope is that you create the deepest warming love whether you are in a relationship or not.

Lots of Love

Scott H Collins Wellness Strategist